I love taking you on my journey into health and fitness by telling you all about the classes I have been taking that have been taking me out of my comfort zone…so why not expand to dating? Yikes, maybe a little too personal? Well, I won’t reveal everything but I decided to share since there is more than one way to get out of your comfort zone.
It has been a while since I was actively out there dating. Now, I am starting to remember why it was easier to stay in a relationship that wasn’t exactly serving me…because starting over is daunting. Some days it seems like fun. Some days it feels like work. Some days it is down right depressing. However, the prospect of being out there ultimately excites me because I believe the absolute right person exists and he’s not knocking on my door if I stay home alone waiting for him.
So, I am approaching dating the same way I approached getting my fitness groove back. Variety! I have learned a few lessons in the last few years and one of them is the person that seems perfect on paper sometimes is not. Just because a man has met my general requirements doesn’t mean he is the one for me.
I usually have a lot of rules I follow. Here’s the short list of what I have looked for historically:
– Divorced – not separated or recently separated
– Divorced a while but not too long because then he is like a single man all over again
– He should have children but not too young or old (truthfully I would rather them be too young, I love babies)
– He should at least have a 4 year degree but a Masters is a big plus.
– I prefer Mr. Right to live under 1 hour away but not too close to home.
– I like to date someone who works out a fair amount (but isn’t totally in love with himself).
– Not too short (can’t deal with a Napoleon complex).
– He should be at least 40 years old but not older than 52.
– There should be the elusive and oh and so magical chemistry.
– He should have been married at some point in time, I don’t believe we will hit it off if he has been forever single.
As I write this I see how much I have limited myself and how silly it all sounds. How many of these men really exist?
So, I have begun to widen my horizons a bit. It’s scary. I made these rules for a reason. However, if I don’t step out of my comfort zone and try something new I will keep getting what I am getting. So, I am taking leaps.
Here are some recent highlights:
– I went out with someone who lived very close to home was well under the 40 year old parameter. Gulp, 34. I felt like a dirty old lady at first. Truth is he is super sweet, handsome and we have a lot in common. In reality he is mature and more of a man then some 50 year olds I have dated. I think the age difference may be too big but hey I tried something new and you never know.
– I went out with a really nice guy whose daughters are in their 20’s. I started playing all of the old tapes in my head…he isn’t going to be interested in a woman with young kids…he’s already raised his. Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not. Who am I to decide for him? I am giving it a shot!
– I had coffee with a 52 year old man who is divorced without children yesterday. In this case I figured I must have too much baggage for him. We had a really nice time and honestly I think he may ask me out for a second date. Again, he is a mature man who seems to know what he wants and is not into playing games.
– I met a guy for coffee in the park who is 40 something and never married. Well, let’s just say I was right about that parameter…yikes. That may have been the worst of my life. Truthfully, I have a good cocktail party story for years to come though (or maybe a future autobiography – haha).
In the middle of all of this I get all of the crazy random messages you can dream up. I see the good, the bad and the ugly. The ride is never boring and always I try to remember to keep a good attitude. The good news is that almost everyone I speak with or meet tells me what a nice smile I have. I think my joy for life really comes across and if that is the case I can’t go wrong.
Will I stay in Cougar Town? Will I find a nice older gentleman? Will I date someone with a baby or a college kid? Who knows? For now, I am staying open and enjoying the ride. The truth is the things that are really important to me are nowhere on that list above. When I see it I will know it.
So, as of today I cannot confirm I have found true love. However, I think I have a few good prospects in play and more importantly a newfound attitude of being open. I always thought that I was open but if I am being honest I probably was not. We all think we know what we want and need but sometimes we don’t know best. Dating isn’t something that happens on paper. We can’t make a list and evaluate people, we have to get out there and get to know them. Yes, we all have our deal breakers but we also have to bend sometimes. Truth is when I am in a relationship with someone I love I make it my business to meet them where they are and make it work….so distance, kids, no kids, big kids little ones, masters, no masters…it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. Life is precious and can be as sweet as we want it to be. So, I am going to keep taking leaps and open myself up to new possibilities. That’s how the magic happens.
You can do this with any aspect of your life. Go ahead and take a chance on something new. You know you want to.
Love and Light