Check out these older posts….they are worth the read!!
Check out these older posts….they are worth the read!!
I read the most beautiful book recently. I devoured it in two days. It got my wheels turning about so much in life. Here is a short quote that has gotten me thinking:
“Recovery is an unbecoming. My healing has been a peeling away of costume after costume until here I am, still and naked before God, stripped down to my real identity.”
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior: A Memoir
Her words paint such a vivid picture and really bring to life a very really struggle. We all wear our masks on a daily basis. We have roles in life we have signed up for. Daughter, wife, mother, runner, friend, employee, father, son, coach, student…the list is long. Some roles are assigned to us and there is no negotiation. Other roles we sign up for willingly. Then there are the ones we sign up for unwittingly. There are even roles we sign up for then change our minds. Life gets full and messy. At some point we lose who we are at our core. We don’t really know how we became this person. Then, in each life a crisis comes. Each of us comes upon our own crisis. It forces us to take a long look in the mirror and assess. If we aren’t quite happy with what we see and where we are at there is no choice but to “unbecome” who we are.
So, let’s start here. I have always been my parents daughter. At 11 I became someone’s sister. To many I have been a friend. Most of my life I have been someone’s girlfriend. Then I was someone’s wife and later I was mother to two very special people. I think early in life I questioned a lot of this. As a young girl I was fairly introspective and although I took on all of these roles and fit in on the outside, somewhere inside I did not feel like I did.
For anyone who has ever questioned it all and felt a little puzzled about where they have ended up it’s time to go back to the beginning. We retrace our steps not to beat ourselves up but to see where we went off the path. We do it to find who we are at the core. We do it to discover who we are and who we want to be.
The point is we can’t keep moving forward in life SUCCESSFULLY if we don’t get right with the past and how it brought us to the current crisis.
To me this means dropping my ideas of who I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do and where I am supposed to go next. It occurred to me recently that most of my life has been spent in one romantic relationship or another. I have always moved from one to the next. I feel comfortable being part of a couple. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just a fact. However, did I ever take the time to really discover who I am on my own? Maybe. Maybe not.
When I was young and single I spent most of my time going out partying. Since my divorce I have been consumed (obviously) with being mom. I took care of myself by getting fit and yes that is a big part of who I am but is that ME at the core? That’s just the window dressing in a lot of ways.
So these past few months I have begun the work of starting fresh with a new chapter. There are times when I want this chapter to be over. I want the work to be done. I want to be moved into a new home. I want to find the RIGHT guy for me. I want my kids to be in their best place and know what will happen to them. I want to rush past the uncertainty. It doesn’t’ work that way though. So I have decided to cherish this time of growth and uncertainty.
Here is what I know for sure:
– I am going to be ok
– Change takes time, patience and a good long look in the mirror so we know the part we played in our crisis
– My children and going to thrive in their own way and be happy in this world
– We will have a new home
– I will find a partner that is worthy of my love and attention. He will be as strong as I am.
Here is what I do not know:
What any of the above will look like!!!!!
And…that’s ok. For now I will continue to “unbecome”. I am getting comfortable with dropping all of the roles and expectations. Each day I put the work in and make the next best decision for my life. Here is what that looks like:
– Self care comes first
– Enjoying every minute with my children and not future tripping where the will be in 2 years
– Meeting new people and figuring out what I really want
– Putting myself out there and trying new things
– Standing in my truth and owning my story
For me, and I believe for a lot of us, not knowing what is next is scary. We focus so much on the questions and analyze. I was told recently that I live too much in my head and not enough in my heart. I try to pick things apart and figure it all out. That has its place for sure. However, sometimes we just need to do the work and trust our heart. At the bottom of it all when we dig deep and get in touch with who we really are there is no way our instincts and intuition will let us down.
Give it a try. Take off the masks. Go back to the beginning. Take a good long look in the mirror and decide if you like what you see. If you don’t, start over. Every day is a new chance to begin again.
Oh, and go out and get the book on amazon. In case you need more inspiration. It’s EVERYTHING!
Love and Light,
Eight years ago I started a true fitness journey. In the years leading up to that change I withstood infertility and all of the medication that messed with my metabolism. I had a twin pregnancy and then less than 2 years later faced the news that my beautiful children were both autistic. Each day as I climbed out of bed I faced pain. I was overweight and my body was holding all of my stress. I was in a lot of ways very close to depression. I functioned on a daily basis but in so many ways I felt sad and very alone in the world. It was one of the most difficult times in my life.
I may as well have been a completely different human being than I am today. Come to think of it your body creates new cells every day so I actually am a pretty different human being. That seems fitting as I write this. I was 38, married and desperately trying to find the best way to help my children find their way. They were 4, in their second year of preschool and working hard to find their way to simply communicate with the world. We were also constantly sick. There was one illness after another running through my household. I was overweight and unhappy. We were all trying to find our way and struggling. However, I never gave up hope that better days were ahead. As I watched my children fight so hard to learn and grow I was truly inspired. If these little people could fight so hard to learn what comes naturally to both anything was possible.
At that time my ex-husband suggested we see a nutritionist. I was at a point where I was considering a gluten and dairy free diet for my children. A trusted Occupational Therapist had proposed the idea to me. I was fairly desperate at that point in my life so when my ex-husband suggested a trip to a nutritionist his friend had used I decided it was worth the try.
This is a PART of my story. Happily this is not where it ends. I took that first step to make some major changes and then kept going. The trip to the nutritionist gave me a map to a better life. We only saw him once. He gave us handouts with a food plan. I had rules to follow and an outline on how I could change our bodies. That was great but could I follow through? It sounded like so much work. How would I find the way to make these major LIFE CHANGES? My ex-husband did not. He learned all of the same precepts I did but could not follow through. My children and I did.
So, I respectfully ask you today…what is your why? Why do you want to change your food and your body? My why was very strong:
1 – Help my children by giving their bodies the tools to focus better and be healthier
2 – Have more energy and less aches and pains so I could take better care of my family
3 – Feel comfortable in my own skin again. I wanted my clothes to fit better and to feel like myself again.
If you want to make long term changes for a better life you need to be very clear. There were times before this I started a “diet” because I was getting ready for summer, a wedding, a vacation. Short term goals are relatively easy to meet. How do we do the long term thing? I changed my life eight years ago. I kept it going through the stress of my divorce, years later selling my house and even more recently a knee injury. When things have gone wrong for me I have fallen back on my nutrition. When I need self care I can make a home made pot of soup or a beautiful salad or experiment with new juices.
I got conscious about what I put into my body. I know that when I love my body it loves me back. I no longer punish myself with food. I started Eat Run Ohm so I could show people what I think of as my triangle – real food, fitness and balance. I keep learning and growing. Some days one part of the triangle leads. On other days another takes over. Each day I do my best to live consciously and keep fulfilling my why. I continue to make the choices each day that benefit my health and wellness as well as my children’s. In the end I get the life I dreamed of – one day at a time.
Are you ready to start living the life of your dreams? DO IT! I am not going to tell you it will always be easy but it will be worth it!
Love and light,
Hot Power Yoga
In The Dark – Nothing but candlelight
I’m in love!!
So, let me admit I tried this yoga studio because it has a great hook and I thought it would be fun to write about it. The hook is good. Hot power yoga to hip hop is a massive idea. The part about it being by candlelight initially slipped by me. If I am being completely honest that may be my favorite aspect of the studio. Let’s talk about it!
Y7 is way more hip than I am! They have several studios in Manhattan, Brooklyn and LA. I have practiced at their location on East 11th Street, a stone’s throw from the apartment of my youth. This location has changing rooms and a dry bar to pull yourself together but no shower. Other locations have showers if that is a deal breaker for you. I am used to pulling my sweaty self together so this suits me fine!
Here is what I love:
– Hot power yoga for 60 minutes. The class is basically broken down into 3 flows. Each is led by the instructor BUT the last flow in each sequence you lead yourself. This allows for you to put your big girl (or boy) panties on and flow they way your body wants to. The first time around I felt panic. Am I going to remember everything?? Will I miss something? Yikes! No worries…its all good. This is a great practice in learning to trust yourself.
– The sequences are not always exactly the same. There are some elements that are constant but there is not the feeling that you know which pose is coming next. Al too often in yoga class, and in life, we grow accustomed to routine and start to fall into patterns. This does not allow you to do so.
– The class is physically challenging and both my visits requited me to do work my body has been needing – balance and isolating movements.
– The music is great and definitely fits the classes. I rarely practice to music and I would say the music definitely helped my flow!
– The candlelight practice that I assumed was a “hook” may be the BEST part. I can’t tell you how many times I have hear an instructor say to not worry about looking to the left or the right of you mat. I can’t tell you how often they remind us to practice where your body is and not worry about what the person on the next mat s doing. In this case well there is not too much of that because it is pretty dark. I don’t mean you cant see anything. I mean the low light puts you in a very singular frame of mind. I was not looking left and right. It makes the class more intimately YOURS.
– The gear for sale is AWESOME! I wanted to buy it all. It’s not my home base studio so I felt a little like a fraud so I did not. I have a feeling we are at the beginning of a long relationship though so I think I may pick up a shirt next time. ☺
So, get out there and try something new. Practice diversity in your workout. Its so liberating and exhilarating. Life is meant to be lived out loud! Flow hard!
Don’t take my word for it…check them out for yourself! There are lots of locations in the NYC area. http://www.y7-studio.com
Love and light
How many of us do it? Judge others? Judge ourselves? How often do you start a sentence with “I’m not judging but….”? We all do it. Some of us engage in this more than others. Here is what I can tell you I know for sure about being the judge:
– The people that are always judging have something to prove, they are secretly judging themselves harshly
– If you paused to imagine what another was going through and out yourself in their shoes you would be slower to judge
– Judging makes us small
– Judging yourself for mistakes is a form of procrastination, it just keeps you stuck
– Life get lighter when we just accept the things that are and do not place a judgment on it as good or bad
NONE OF THE ABOVE SERVES YOU OR THE GREATER GOOD
If judging ourselves and others had the power to make all right with the world then the world would be a pretty perfect place. Now I am not pretending to be perfect. I do it on occasion but when I catch myself I put the brakes on. Here is a little judgment gut check:
– Are you discussing someone else’s personal life as a form of gossip? When you speak someone else’s story do you do it with love in your heart or are you feeling a bit superior when someone slips and falls?
– When you make an error in judgment do you beat yourself up?
– Do you imagine that others are speaking about your life choices all the time?
– Do you find yourself explaining your decisions to friends and family?
– Are you seeing approval and happiness outside of you?
I bring this up because so many of us get caught in this trap. We talk about people so we assume they are talking about us. We judge others harshly so we assume they are doing the same to us. We are unforgiving when we see others make mistakes so we don’t forgive ourselves either. Where does this sort of thinking get us though?
Let’s commit to:
– Be empathetic – put yourself in the “other’s” shoes
– Be kind to yourself, talk to yourself the way you would your best friend
– Assume everyone is being kind to us – a lot of people are and if you are wrong what is the harm? Surround yourself with good vibes.
– Not gossiping
– Catching ourselves in judgment and changing the thought process to “That person is going through a tough time, I am going to send them good thoughts”
This all takes practice just like anything else. It gets easier as life goes on for me. Over the years my life has taken many twists and turns I never expected. I have arrived in a place that some days I can’t believe this is me still standing and moving forward. So, I have love in my heart for anyone who is struggling. The real question isn’t why do I but why shouldn’t I? Everyone is struggling. Everyone is trying to live their life. Everyone is doing their best. For some their best may not appear good enough, but maybe they don’t have the right tools yet. Just for a day try it…drop your judgment.
Love and light,
When we were children that was an easy question to answer. As we get older it becomes more difficult. Perhaps that is because we complicate things. A friend recently told me “don’t make a habit out of an event”. In other words, don’t turn a bad experience over and over in your mind and react in the future as if that will keep happening. Don’t act from a place of fear.
We all have bumps in the road of life. We are all tested. Life must have ups and downs. It isn’t a point A to point B trip. We want to make sense of it. We want our next move to be the right one. We don’t want to make the mistakes of the past all over again. So why do we? FEAR.
Fear is a funny thing. We all know it is created in our mind. We all know it’s not fact, not real. However, many of us let it get in the way of our best life. We take the job or don’t take the job because of fear. We marry the man or don’t marry the man because of fear. We move or don’t move because of fear.
I made a list of my biggest fears. I needed to figure out where I am getting in my own way. So here are the top 3:
– Fear of failing
– Fear of Rejection
– Fear of being controlled
The first 2 are basic no brainers. No one wants to fail or be rejected. However, the third one I recently realized might be the real BIG BAD MONSTER.
I have been digging deep and working on my self. It came to me fairly recently that one of my biggest fears isn’t that I wont be loved. It is that I will be loved in a way that suffocates me. In my mind I think I associate a great love with someone who wants to rule me. It seems the wolf inside me will attack itself to not let that happen. I keep choosing relationships that do not present a threat to my control because that fear is so great. So, I end up in relationships with people who are needy, weak and will never take care of me. WOW. So, this is my own doing.
So what is your big block? What is your big fear? If you feel like you keep getting stuck in the same place maybe it is time to dig a little deeper.
The important part is identifying the BIG ONE. What is the real big fear that is making you get in your own way?? I know mine now and I am ready to begin again. I am ready to face that fear. I am not going to make a habit out of old events any more.
Love and Light
I am coming clean today. I always want to be perfect. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting there. Most of the time in gets in the way of life. I even am late with post because I felt like I was not getting it exactly right.
I finally get it. I need to stop this “perfection” principle because it gets in the way of success. When I want things to be perfect I procrastinate and I operate from a place of fear. It stops me from taking a leap.
One of my greatest successes in life has been my parenting. AND, ironically it is one area my perfectionism has not gotten in the way. Let me explain. Almost 12 years ago I gave birth to 2 people at the same time. I remember the day I was being discharged vividly. The nurses brought both babies in my room that morning. I was alone with these two beautiful babies and they both needed my attention simultaneously. The perfectionist in me could not be there that day as I only have 2 hands.
I had to do my best and someone always had to wait back in those early days. I learned very early on, by design or necessity, that I could not possibly do it all. I learned that lesson all over again about 7 years ago. I became a single parent when they turned 5. Once again, reality told me I could not do it all just right. I made a lot of tough choices these past years. One of the best and hardest was the decision to remain a stay at home mother. I suffered financially over the years but as a result my children have thrived. There were days I beat myself up for not having enough money for vacations, and all of the extras most people do but I let it go because I was doing what I thought was best OVERALL. At the end of the day I was not perfect but I got the job done and there was no time to second guess myself.
So, today I am having what Oprah would call an “aha moment” . What if I operated in the rest of my life the way I have as a mother? I have lived my life as a soldier in battle might these last 12 years. As problems and challenges have come up I always treat the most emergent issue first – sort of like triage. That may sound extreme but some days its true – AND – it works. There is no aspect of my life I am prouder of. I am far from perfect but I am proud of my parenting. I do not always get it right but I know I put my whole heart and soul into it. These little people are growing and thriving. I am immensely proud of them. I must be doing some things very right!
So, today I am attempting to go cold turkey. I will drop perfectionism. It is getting in the way of a lot. Relationships, work, you name it. So, August 17, 2016 is a new chapter. I recognize my biggest obstacle is me. I will be kind to myself. I will pat myself on the back each day. I will show up and bring to the world all I have to offer – perfectly imperfect and proud.
I desire way too many beautiful things this life has to offer by staying stuck in the mindset that things will come together soon. I intend to make it happen and with a positive high vibration. I will choose to see myself as the lighthouse that others see me as. I am a work in progress but baby the progress is coming!
Give it a try. Take a leap or two. Put yourself out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there – before you feel ready!!
Love and Light