I have been spending a lot of time on me lately. Are you ready for real down and dirty full disclosure? Last year was a bad one. It was up there with one of the worst years of my life.
Here’s the truth. My typically peaceful relationship with my ex-husband was not. I had to sell my house even though I loved it dearly and it had felt like a shelter from the storm of what had been my life for the previous 5 years. My kids started Junior High and we were all traumatized. We moved in with my parents for the time being, which believe me is humbling. I spent a lot of time and energy in a relationship, which in the end became unhealthy and unsatisfying. Then, at the end of it all my knee started to bother me and I couldn’t run or work out the way I am accustomed to so my best outlet for al of this was taken away.
Ok, so let’s look on the bright side. We all came out of it with our health. I survived it and that period of my life is now over. I made some major changes in my life. I started making plans and having hopes and dreams again. I started taking care of myself again. To some the last few months may seem a little self-indulgent. The truth is, I am finding my way back to being me.
As women and more specifically moms we don’t do self-indulgent usually. We get the job of mom and start depriving ourselves of everything immediately. We deprive ourselves of sleep, food and time for us all within the first few months. How many of us really napped when our babies napped? I don’t know about you but I showered and did laundry. How many of us didn’t worry immediately about losing the baby weight? I was so relieved when the initial bulk of the weight flew off. How many of us really did anything for ourselves that first year of our children’s lives? I know with not one but two babies in my home there wasn’t much time for me. Then, two and half years later came not one but two diagnoses of autism. At that point I REALLY didn’t think I deserved any time off for good behavior. My kids needed me!
So, the dirty truth is we lose ourselves. We don’t mean to, it just seems to come with the job. We all do it in different ways. Some of us don’t make time for our social lives. Some of us put our careers on the back burner. Lots of us forget to take care of our bodies. Then all of a sudden if we are lucky the light bulb goes off. We have more to give our loved ones when we give to ourselves first. I raise my vibrations and take care of me and all of a sudden I am ready to give to everyone. It’s a little magical. We wouldn’t expect our car to bring us where we needed to go if we didn’t fill our gas tank. So why do we think we don’t need to fill our own tanks?
I have jokingly called this the summer of Tara. I told my mom recently with a laugh that adventure is my middle name. The truth is after all that has transpired over the last several years I am finally learning 2 important lessons. The first and perhaps most important is that I need to love and care for myself. The second is I need to start asking for what I want from myself and the universe. If I keep behaving like I don’t need or want anything I simply won’t get it.
It’s time for me. It’s time for you. Tomorrow is never a guarantee. Start living life as if it is a gift that you truly appreciate. Start living life like you mean it!! Find yourself.
love and light