Men VS. Women: The Great Divide
I am going to tell it like it is. Every woman out there no matter what she looks like has body issues and worries about how she looks. Every one of us tells the woman who laments her body issue that she looks beautiful. Why can’t we say that to ourselves though?
I started to really question all of this recently after a discussion at my gym about Botox. One of the guys that works out there told us women are basically crazy and men just want us to be ourselves. Honestly we just found that funny. They want us to be ourselves?? Then one of the other women chimed in and said but what do women want for themselves? WHO ARE WE WORKING HARD TO LOOK GOOD FOR? Is it for ourselves? Men? Other women? It stayed in the back of my mind and thought well this is a question for everyone!
Here is my truth. I like my butt. I think it looks pretty good. It isn’t too big or too small. It isn’t flat. I think of it as an asset. I hate my abs. I feel that they are a lost cause after being pregnant with twins and having a c-section. I daydream about a tummy tuck every so often. I resent doing ab work because they will never look the way I like. It is so ridiculous but true. On the other hand I think my arms and back look good. So I accentuate the positive and try to shake it off.
A good friend of mine told me a long time ago, “no one is perfect and I am a sexy bitch so I rock it”. I love that and wish I could live that 24/7. She is right. No one is perfect. Let’s all try to remember those words of wisdom when the self doubt creeps in.
So, I started to informally poll men and women. I asked the women what they like and don’t like about themselves and the men what they look for in a woman. Some of the responses were a little funny, a lot were unexpected and all were personal. I feel like this is a topic I can dive into more deeply but I started to scratch the surface and here is some of what I heard:
– A friend said she would like a “small boob job” – just enough to get to a “B”. I asked her what she liked and she LOVES her forearms because they are tight and veiny!
– Another friend hates her abs and loves her cheekbones
– A man I am friends with said boobs are overrated, he prefers a pretty face and legs
– The guy that started this all just wants his wife to be herself (I know that sounds crazy ladies)
– I have a friend who wishes she had a bigger booty and I know a few women who wish their booty was smaller
– One of the ladies I play tennis with would like my legs because they look strong and I wish mine were a tiny bit smaller. I have not been running as much lately so my legs are a little different than they normally are
– One of the men put a pretty face and a welcoming smile at the top of the list. He still likes a nice booty and boobs but hey who doesn’t want it all?
– My mom always wishes she had head of thick, luxurious hair
– A friend of mine confessed she would ditch more than she would keep…the list to go included needing a fuller top lip, thinner feet and height to name a few
– Another friend told me she hated her toes and her saggy boobs but LOVES everything else – that’s good news, I think!
– One of the men I polled told me he loves long legs and hair
– One woman gave me a long list of likes that included her ears, collar bones, strength or her legs, wrists and ankles. On the down side she has ab issues too (damn kids) and wishes her boobs and lips were bigger
The list of shortcomings we see in ourselves could go on and on. I am happy to see that everyone was able to tell me something they loved about themselves too though. It was also nice to hear that men are not only looking at the things we think they are. Some of us have more self confidence than others but everyone looks at themselves and wishes they have something they do not. I have a feeling if we had more of that the rest might start to fall into place.
I wanted to start this discussion because as a new Health Coach I want to help people find their way to looking AND feeling good. It is an important discussion to have as you begin to go after the life you want. If you think you can never achieve the results you want then you simply won’t try very hard to get any. We all need to believe in ourselves so that we have the will to put in the hard work. I believe we start to have the qualities that we find attractive in others when we start believing in ourselves.
Will I be more beautiful if I have better abs? Maybe. Will I be more beautiful if I exude confidence and as one man put it “gracefulness”. Absolutely! We look beautiful when we feel beautiful. My dad always told me, “less is more”. I try to live by that. I rarely wear a lot of makeup or jewelry. I try to dress and look pretty without crying out for attention. I do my best to be fit and look my best. I do it for me first. My body has gotten more fit and beautiful as a result of working out. However, I started to work out and continue to do so because of what it does for me on the inside. My body confidence has increased because I know what my body is capable of. It has carried me as I ran 13.1 miles time and again. It has carried me through more burpees and pushups than I can count. As a matter of fact, just yesterday I did single arm rows and am happy to say I moved up to 35 pound dumbells. I felt stronger than I have in ages. For me that is what it is all about.
I invite you to join the discussion. Tell me what you love about yourself. How about we also talk about what you aspire to…not what you don’t have. That’s a better way of looking at it. Let’s lift each other up and begin a discussion that does not involve body shaming. We are all beautiful and strong and sexy – some of us just need to look deeper within ourselves to find that!
Love and Light