What is Sexy? Do you NEED to be it? Do you want to?

I recently posted a picture of a book I purchased on my Instagram. The author is Katie Silcox and the title is “Healthy Happy Sexy”. I have not started it yet but it’s on my list. I picked it up because it is supposed to be an Ayurveda guide for the modern woman. One of my followers commented that she was almost reluctant to start a conversation but that she finds health and wellness books with the “sexy” title to be problematic for her. She wanted to know why health books aimed at women boil down to a lesson in how to be “sexy”.

I love a good conversation starter like that! I am being completely honest when I say I picked up the book because I liked what I saw on her website and figured the book was a good place to start. I have been thinking about exploring Ayurveda. That said, the title in my opinion is fairly generic, cheesy and obviously meant to hook us in. Most women want to healthy, happy and sexy. We don’t want to be sick, miserable and frumpy. So, I thought I am going to write about this!

I will use myself as the guinea pig for the start of a real conversation about sexy….

I am a 46 year old single mom. I have 12 year old twins. Oh and they are autistic. I love to run, lift weights and do yoga. I read a lot and write a blog. My dream in life is to have a big business helping people find their path to health and happiness. I am basically a size 2. I have small boobs. I like wearing heels. I love to cook. I have a weird sense of humor. I may be a bit of a nerd (not sure). I generally don’t care what people think of me. I am independent. I like spending time alone. I have been called bossy (I won’t name names here). I consider myself a feminist. I don’t care if I go out without my bra. I was on a lunch date recently with a man who was rude to a young waitress – I told him he was being an asshole. So, I guess I am outspoken (he kept asking me what was wrong…I only spoke out because he wouldn’t allow me to be polite). I have 2 online dating profiles and regularly get messages from younger men telling me they want to meet because I am “sexy”. I recently had a third date with a man who told me flat out I am sexy (I think my ex-husband and a few other men I have met along the way would have a different opinion).

Ok, so I told some truths about myself here. Is that sexy? Am I sexy? I HAVE NO IDEA! Here is what I think is a good framework for being sexy.

– You know who you are and you love yourself
– You take care of yourself and feel confident
– The way you look on the outside matches your spirit
– You don’t conform to what others think
– You “do you” so to speak

Society at any given point in time will have a standard for what is sexy and desirable. It has always been arbitrary. That is not going to change. We all like something different. How about we all be ok with that?

I think what truly makes us sexy is strength, intelligence, humor, kindness, empathy, confidence, honesty and integrity. This is how I translate that in my life:

– I work out and stay fit because the stronger I feel the more I love my body and feel confident
– I wear clothes that make me feel good about myself. My wardrobe is diverse and I don’t have one specific style. I wear what I love. Sometimes I like a heel because they make my not so long legs feel longer. Sometimes it is harem pants.
– I wear pretty bras and undies any day of the week that I need a little pick me up
– I practice self care
– I try to practice giving no f@#%%$ (not always easy)

This blog post in no way covers everything. This topic is huge. Women have come a long way in society and yet…there are still so many stumbling blocks. It is 2017 and we are still wondering about why we need to be sexy or if we are. That’s reality. In my opinion my sexiness has nothing to do with society or what any man thinks of me. It has everything to do with me embracing my womanhood. It has everything to do with honoring the sacred feminine. It has everything to do with me remembering that all life on this planet flows from women – and that is immensely powerful. That sense of beauty and power makes me feel confident and honored to be a woman. And well…in my opinion that is just damn sexy!

Let’s continue this discussion. As 2017 is upon us I am thinking about what I want to accomplish next year. I have some vague idea of it including the promotion of sisterhood in our community. I would love to see more and more women embracing their lives – eating right, moving their beautiful bodies, taking care of themselves – finding their inner goddess. I don’t know if that is sexy but I sure hope it is.

Love and light,