The day started by dropping the kids at camp and heading to Trader Joe’s for groceries. Then a few things happened that shifted my perspective and opened my eyes to what the healing process really means.
I sat in my car checking my phone in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s and at that moment the universe put an old friend literally in front of my car. We caught up briefly. She had an idea that there has been a lot of change this past year, but I didn’t want to unload on her because honestly she has been through her own loss this year I always try to be conscious of the fact that even when we believe we have loss someone else has suffered more. It was a quick reminder of how blessed I really am.
So, I headed home to unload my bags. I was negotiating my schedule in my mind and decided to quickly change and try for a short run in the park. It started out ok and then my leg tightened up. The other hip started yelling at me (probably because I used the other side yesterday in an effort to spare the sad knee). I stopped to stretch and ran a little more. The body was still yelling at me, telling me this was not the best idea. At this point I decided today was not my day.
During the run I thought about all of the things that are weighing on my mind these days and honestly that is the part of the run I miss most. Running has become my time to sort it all out. I have my best ideas on a run and usually find my clarity when something is troubling me. I cut it short and headed home feeling a little sorry for myself.
Now the universe put my dad in front of me. He happened to meet me as I came in as he was doing some work outside. He said to me “what happened? Too hot?” So I told him my leg was so tight and I just couldn’t do it. In my dad’s usual fashion he told me I need to rest it some more. So I said to him “but I have been resting it. I just don’t think I will ever be able to run again the way I used to.” His reply may seem simple to most but in turn he said, “Sure you will. It just takes a long time to heal.”
I went inside and thought that was such a nice thing to say. I went upstairs to change and then the tears just started to flow. It wasn’t because I felt sorry for myself or sad. It’s just those words resonated so deeply with me. It wasn’t about my knee any longer. It was about “all of the things” I need to rebound from. It takes a long time to heal. We think we have healed and we have but then we need to heal some more.
It was as if everything that has happened over the last 7 years led me to this moment. I have survived the last 7 years. In some ways I have thrived. In other ways I have struggled. I mourned the death of a marriage. I have struggled with money. I have figured out how to raise my kids. I have found ways to make time for me and take care of myself. I have walked away from another relationship that was not serving me. I sold my house and moved before I was ready to do so. It takes time to heal. So simple and yet we rarely have that patience for ourselves.
Now here I am writing today. I have given myself a clean slate and am ready to begin again. I thought I was healed and in many ways I am. But like my dad said it takes time.
I really started to shake things up in early June. The last 2 months I have made myself a priority. I have taken care of myself emotionally and physically. I have gotten out there and made sure I have a fun summer. I am on the road to being truly joyful. Life gets better and better every day. I ask the universe for what I need and want when I open my eyes every day and it honestly listens to my prayers. I am truly blessed and grateful. I will have everything I want and need. I just need to be patient. It might take a little while.
Love and Light